Elyse is 4!

Another birthday rolled around.  Seriously, this birthday thing on Christmas Eve is sure a challenge!  We love the birthday GOD gave Elyse, but sometimes, I wonder how I'm going to keep two important celebrations separate!  We've toyed with the idea of a half-birthday celebration in the future, but I'm a sucker for big celebrations on the day of the event... at least for now.  

We spent some time mid-December with my family up in Indiana, and we rolled back into our driveway at 11pm the night before Elyse birthday.  The next morning was spent doing laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, feeding children, bathing children, cupcake-baking, and - oh yea - Christmas prep.  Amidst the flurry of the day, my mind kept straying to my sweet Elyse and how much I love the fact that she chose Kraft mac & cheese for dinner (not "Mommy's mac & cheese" mind you.  I should be offended!)... along with pineapple and cucumber slices.  Seriously, that made her birthday dinner much easier!  In addition to her meal selection, I just adore HER.  She grown into more of a little girl this year, and I've watch toddlerhood slip away.  Though I still ache for the little Elyse (I probably always will), I love the little girl she is becoming.  

Elyse is in love with the color pink these days, and much of her day is spent playing with pink things, talking about pink things, or dreaming about pink things.  I would love to know what causes this, but she says she just thinks it's "pretty."  Hmm.  She loves to play "mommy" to her babies, dress up, mother Em and Jake, color, paint, read, TALK TALK TALK (and keep me laughing my head off!)...  Her dialogue is hilarious, and I'm amazed at what interests her intellectually.  Right now, she is curious as to what makes God happy.  Yes, we have some interesting conversations!

I love how patronizing she is right now.  I know that sounds like a backhanded compliment, but it's very funny.  She will say things like, "Mommy, you know what would be fun?  How about we have a special piece of candy for breakfast?  Wouldn't that be fun, Mommy?  It would!   I know you would like it."  We have moments like those all day.  :)  How can she make me feel so guilty when I say no!?!?  I also love that she takes it upon herself to update me on every move Jakob and Emily make.  It's so funny.  If I dare to remind her that tattling isn't acceptable, she will just tell me "funny stories" about what they are doing.  Boy, do I eat crow when I run into the other room to patrol after that!  

We have had to recently embark on an adventure in manners and chores. It's interesting. It's pretty much a failure at this point, honestly, for Em! Elyse does seem to be learning a lot (considering she is getting quite good at correcting my elbows on the table during dinner...), and I am always humored when I hear her ask me if a certain behavior is "good manners." Most of the time, it is in reference to someone else, but I hope she is learning something :) Ha. We ventured out to the eye doctor a couple of days ago for a visit, and we had such a fun time together. She was astoundingly brave during the exam, and she made me proud as she read the eye chart (filled with fun pictures!) with giggles and smiles.

Elyse seems pretty tall for her age (we'll see what the doc says in a few weeks about that), and she has the skinniest little legs ever.  She loves to pretend to be a ballerina and do her twirls and pirouettes.  I love to watch her focus on her footwork without thinking twice about us watching.  

The other morning, she woke up to see the beauty of a sunrise-tinted sky. The clouds were trimmed in pink, and the blues and oranges were so vivid! She gasped in awe as I opened her curtains, and said, "Oh, Mommy. I wish my tongue were always pink like that!!" Speechless.

We cut her hair for the second time ever last week. She looks adorable (I know, I'm totally biased and completely okay with that). She is ever-dramatic, so precocious at times, and genuinely determined to keep Jordan and I on our toes.

Elyse was the first of our kids to introduce me to the wonderful world of parenthood. She will always remind me that life is precious and sweet, and that spending time wisely is about snatching up every opportunity... that quality time should not be measured in moments of freedom to do the things you envision as "worthy." She is my firstborn, and I hope she will grow to be forgiving of her amateur mommy. I relish the fact that her greatest joy right now is cuddle-time with a pile of books and blankets, and that she seems to be quick to overlook my mistakes in choosing the tasks that aren't as worthy. I love this girl.

Happy birthday, Elyse Noelle. I love watching you grow. Someday, your world will be bigger than the color pink and the joys of candy, but for now, enjoy all of those little tastes of something bigger and better. Jesus has a lot more for you!

Please pardon my low-quality photos. We moved last week (a story for another time!), and for some reason, Mr iPhone seems a bit more convenient when my life is chaotic!

Nothing can prepare you.

Nothing. I still remember trying to think of what it would be like to be a mom. You know, the dreams of rocking your baby to sleep, dressing them in precious clothes, watching them grow before your very eyes, ... I remember them well. Nothing could prepare me for the hard parts of being a parent, though. People tell you, you know, but you don't really acknowledge it. It's defeating to enter a new stage of life with a negative mindset, and rightly so, so we ignore it. We believe the best about the stage, and we know we'll somehow make it through. And you do, you make it through.

We were blessed to have our three children close together. Would I ask for that again? I'm not sure. I'm glad we don't get those chances to go back anyway. I think no matter how many kids you have or how far apart they are, parenting is just hard. Nothing can prepare you for the endless sacrifice. It starts small when that first child is small. You lose a little sleep, lose a little free time (or a lot?), lose a small amount of sanity (or a lot!), and you gradually grow into a big sacrificial parent (not always by choice, either). Nothing can prepare you for the years that roll by before you realize that you never really get a break. You never stop thinking about (or on behalf of) your children. You have to watch yourself, or you completely crowd out your amazing husband that helped get this ball rolling! And when you mess up, you come running back to that guy and promise you'll never forget your first love again. And you remember how much you need him... and he saves the day, like he always does. You can never prepare yourself for the endless laundry, the little bellies that are somehow never full, the kitchen floor that can never stay clean, the incessant demands on your body, your time, and your patience. You never really think about those things when that pregnancy test shows "YEP!" And rightly so. Those things just happen, and you struggle for patience, for worth, for clarity, for sanity. You struggle to stay true to your marriage, your faith, and your children. You struggle to put on the energy mask and get it all done. And you do. You get just enough done... and if you're fortunate, you get a little extra done, too. You can never prepare yourself for the days that you completely forget to play with your kids. They pepper you with kisses and you can't quit thinking about the vomit-covered clothes soaking in the sink or the checkbook that hasn't been balanced in three weeks. Nothing prepares you for the intense battle you have with your sinful self. I knew I was selfish, but I had no idea. I had no idea what it would be like to literally CHOOSE to walk away from the fight instead of put in the work. I wasn't prepared for the times I would come to my patient husband and beg him to tell me this wouldn't go on forever, right? We laugh, but inside, we both know it's probably a good thing kids grow up.

Though nothing could have prepared me for that, nothing could have prepared me for the love. I am still completely dumbfounded by the love I feel when I hold their sweet little cheeks between my hands and kiss their precious noses. I am terrified by the way I would do anything to protect them. I'm shocked that I can go from pleading God for patience to silently crying at the way they fit so neatly in my lap (not all at once, mind you...) just because I'm their mom. I never want to forget the way they look up at me for my approval. All the "Look, Mommy!" over and over again- it can either drive me to madness or remind me that they will soon stop asking. I never want to forget the way the girls try to hold my hands during prayer.... winding our fingers together till they are just right. I want to cherish the sound of their small voices, chattering on when they should be eating. I never want to forget the delight in their eyes as they look with excitement at the things I see over and over again... the sloppily placed strand of Christmas lights, or the candle that flickers to mask the smell of burnt popcorn (another interrupted task). I can't get over the joy I feel when they run to me for help or praise me for making the best chicken EVER. I find myself smiling long after they've left the room in their undies because they want to "run in their bum instead." I find myself laughing to myself over the way Jakob looks just like his daddy when he concentrates - or the way Elyse reminds me of a schoolteacher of mine already! Age 3.95.

Nothing could have prepared me for the joy in sacrifice. It's true: lose your life and you will find it. Jesus was right. Clean up the mess for the umpteenth time out of love, and you have loved Jesus. Wipe that tush for the billionth time, comfort that screaming baby again, do that special thing with the pb&j that she loves... do it in love, and you do it for Jesus. I have learned that I will keep messing up. I will keep forgetting the "lose my life" part. I'm not there yet. But, the more I find that my life is in Jesus, the more I want to lose myself in the finding.

It's good you just don't know all you get into when you have that sweet baby. Or three sweet babies. If you did, you'd miss the process of discovering that crucial truth: you have to lose your life to gain life. Really, is anyone dying to lose their life? Hmm.. I wasn't. But, until you experience that sweetness, you just don't get it. Until you experience a God who lost his Son so you could gain life, you won't appreciate it. I don't appreciate it unless I remember.

Oh, I long for that day when I don't have to "remember" the truth anymore. I can't wait to finally be THERE. But, for today, I don't want to miss a moment. Even the stinky (literally) moments are precious. I'm not going to lie... I am terrified by the way they look to me. Terrified to think that they will remember all the things that I've muttered under my breath when I just can't get something done. But, they forgive. They forget, thankfully. Someday, I hope they will just remember that I loved them like I loved Jesus: imperfectly at times, but faithfully. Tonight, my lap was claimed by a feverish baby boy. My second-born was in a small rocking chair next to mine, rocking her puppy. My firstborn was dancing to my poorly-sung song, impressing me with her fabulous ballerina moves. Emily looked up at me, patted my rocking chair and said, "You're the big one, I'm the little one." She had no idea how that set my mind to racing...

The big EIGHT

So hard to believe December is here! Poor little Jakob celebrated his eight month birthday with lots of STOMACH FLU. Poor kid. I know there is a first time for everything... too bad flu had to be one of those things. He has not exactly been chipper through this first flu, but he sure is cute as a bug when he is in the mood to snuggle. The dreaded sickness hit as we were unloading our family on the way to the annual Christmas parade in our community. Jakob then unloaded on me. In his carrier. Down the front of my shirt. Three times. I was heartbroken for him, but it reminded me to be thankful for health when we have it.

Jakob has had an uneventful month, really. He has had a cold or two, but he hasn't changed much in his mobility (still an inchworm). He is sitting up very well now, and he's feeling more freedom to plop himself over when he needs to move on. I love watching him sit in front of a favorite toy. His expressions are funny... always snoopy, sometimes delighted, rarely ticked off. The girls love to replace and replenish his toys, and someday he will revolt. For now, he puts up with it well. He seems to be thinning out some, but I still love the pudginess he still has :)

His sleep has been fine during the day... still not very predictable at night. He will do stretches of two or three nights in a row that make me forget he has some "night" issues. Then he will remind me. Strongly. I am a very sympathetic mommy knowing that he was getting 5 teeth at once, and 2 have yet to cut. He now has three on the bottom and two on the top. He is still a little eater, and his favorites are sweet potatoes, squash, applesauce, pears, and rice. I still tease him with peaches, but he still despises them!

Since most of his outfits are used, he can fit comfortably in some 12month clothing, but he's mostly on track for his age. He is getting loud - exercising his voice in all different ranges and volumes. His new favorite is sitting in the shopping cart (!!!) while we grocery shop. He holds on for dear life and charms all the old ladies who love the curl on the top of his head. He LOVES to hear the "Jakob Henry" song the girls sing to him, and I love the way he will peek out of his crib to find them in the morning. He is still SUPER ticklish, and he loves to have his earlobes massaged :) Yea, only a mom cares.

Here are my fun's and not-so-fun's for now:

fun's:

* I love when he is healthy and happy. This sicky thing is pathetic!
* I am really enjoying the way we are interacting. He loves to hit my face, so we have our first "training" project on our hands. Even the girls are teaching him the world "gentle!"
* He still scrunches up his little face and squints his eyes when he's begging for something.
* Drinking dark chocolate almond milk. Wait- that's me... because of him. Duh! Sorry...
* He is so curious! His favorite toy is a little musical table that I have stashed under Em's bunk. He scootches over there and tries to get it (not without injuries!). He also loves trying to play with their dress-up necklaces, and he gets a little annoyed when I confiscate them.
* He is trying to clap so hard! He can smack toys together well, and he ends up just clapping his fists together now.
* He BEGS for his food. As soon as he sees his highchair, he goes crazy. Hmm-ing and smacking his mouth. It's so funny!

not-so-fun's:

* I have heard his scream more than I care to with all of this teething stuff! :(
* Jakob is definitely all boy. He smacks and hits everything, and I just have a feeling his first injury is going to be putting his little fist through our tv cabinet window. Hmm...
* I have been cleaning out clothes, and I just about started crying at the giant box of boys clothes that he has through already! It's crazy how fast time goes.
* I think I'm read for CONSISTENT sleep at night. Is that possible? Should I try again in 10 years?
* This dude is almost done with his infant seat. There are rarely times that I carry him in his seat anymore.

We love you, Jakob! We can't remember life without you. You make our little family happy :)